Parent of an Addict

With my head down
Pain weighs upon my heart
Every time you come around
I'm broken apart
I've loved you since you opened your eyes
When I held you in my hands
Some nights I wonder if your still alive
I'm trying to do the best that I can
Your a shadow of the child I raised
Oblivious to the fact that I know
I have nightmares standing at your grave
While I watch you physically die slow
Everyone tells me I need to give you tough love
Turn my back and stop being your crutch
I help enable your abuse on drugs
By always trying to do too much
Nodding off in the middle of conversations
Locking yourself in the bathroom for hours
Taking off after one day as a detox patient
Finding your needles left behind in the shower
This madness needs to stop
You've become a stranger to me
Your either gonna be locked in a box
Or in danger of ending in the cemetery
I don't want to lose you
But your spiraling lower and lower
Its a decision I can't force you to do
I just want you to get sober
Those so called friends you defend
Only care about themselves
They will take off on you in the end
If you overdosed and needed some help
I've had dreams of you in a bath tub
Left behind to die
A bad combination of drugs
Why do you have to get high?
I remember you as an innocent kid
Now I dread the nights your not home
This is no way for you to live
It breaks my heart thinking about you when I'm alone
You look like death
With black pockets below your eye sockets
Everybody knows your a mess
And its killing me I can't do a thing to stop it
Sleeping in the same clothes as yesterday
Sprawled out on the couch
It hurts in the worst way
I'd rather you be high in my house
At least then I would know where you are
And I can be there to help you
This is so hard
Watching the transformation your going through
I know I'll wake up and something will be missing
Cash, lab top or maybe my check book
I don't have the heart to send you to prison
My baby, your not cut out to be a crook
Anxiety kicks in everytime my phone rings
Wondering if this will be that unwanted call
A parent of an addict with the depression that brings
Carrying the burden that I let my child fall
Please just find the courage to get into recovery
I don't want your fate to be like so many others
Losing you would be the death of me
And I know you don't want to do that to me and your mother
Sitting up on another restless night
Hoping for a miracle
Someone please protect my kids life
The love for my child is unconditional

By Matt Ganem